Ask an Atheist with Sam Mulvey

Scripture Says…What? for the Week of August 28th

open bibleIn this week’s look at the funny, the scary and just plain weird passages in humanity’s holy text, we revisit the Bible. This passage this week comes from listener Mike from the Internet, from Deuteronomy 23:1, King James Version:

He that is wounded in the stones, or hath his privy member cut off, shall not enter into the congregation of the LORD.

Hooray, it’s our second testicular injury-related passage! Sympathy cringe!

So basically, this: If you’ve lost a ball or had your dick chopped off, even unintentionally. You’re out. Don’t come back to our church. You are no longer Mint In Box, so you ain’t getting into Heaven now.

Beat it, eunuch!

I mean, you’re supposed to slice off that little bit on the end — that flappy skin stuff’s just unsightly and chock full of sin! But what happens if the hand holding the knife slips? What if you fall off your bicycle seat? What if you’re gored by a rhinoceros?

Why do the gods in these books care so much about your genitals?

If you have a passage of holy scripture that you find funny, scary or just plain weird, send it our way. Whether it’s from the Bible, the Qur’an, the Bhagavad Gita, or even Diatnetics, click on the big, red, shiny button at the top of the page and we may even read it on the show!

About the Author: Mike Gillis

Mike Gillis is co-creator, and co-host of Ask an Atheist. He hosts the Radio vs. the Martians! and Mike and Pól Save the Universe! podcasts. He also enjoys comic books, the Planet of the Apes, and the band Queen.

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Rich Weissmann

…sticking with that book, Deuteronomy 23:24 basically modifies the “thou shall not steal” rule to say it IS okay to steal as long as you consume the stolen goods on the spot.

“If you enter your neighbor’s vineyard, you may eat all the grapes you want, but do not put any in your basket.”
(New International version)

So if you’re caught eating fruits and vegetables in the supermarket, just yell “Deuteronomy! Deuteronomy!” :^D

Jeff II

Show of hands…. how many of us were forced to leave religion because of this rule? Just Mike?

Seriously, this would be a good thing to tell somebody next time you’re being preached to or asked why you don’t believe in the Christian god. Tell them that you have a genital injury and the Bible says you can’t enter the congregation, so you quit. I’m not sure if it’s ever been tried or what the reaction would be, but it might sway a fundamentalist. I honestly might try it soon.

Obie Harlander

Yeah, you had to be absolutely perfect of body and spirit to enter the Temple. If you were to enter the Holy of Holies, they tied a rope around you in case God found you lacking in some respect and murdered your ass right there. That way they could drag your smoking corpse back to be buried. Lovely stuff. This type of thing wasn’t too popular, so when they were rewriting their God and how he reacts to his creation in the Jesus books, they tossed most of it.

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